What Makes a Lord Evil
by Pleasing.the.Yaoi.Gods
Summary: Lord Voldemort feels that he isn't breeding enough fear into his minions and victims, so he seeks to rectify this serious delima.


Author's Note: This is a result of too much Junjuo Romanitca and a Star Wars marathon. So really it shouldn't be taken seriously, but when it comes to fan fiction it is very hard to take Voldemort seriously (though there are those awesome people who do catch the characters actual character but for this fan fic I am not one of them). So enjoy and review!

Lord Voldemort, villain extraordinaire, was facing a problem; his subjects and victims weren't quaking as much as he feared whilst in his presence, that had to change. So one particularly dreary day of decay and despair Voldemort holed himself up in the room he had commandeered at Malfoy Manor and brainstormed ideas of how to strike more terror into the slimy hearts (because if you think about it hearts are probably very slimy) of his minions and those he tormented, but how? After many fruitless hours of brooding, Lord Voldemort decided to do some research, so, leaving his room, he sulked through Malfoy Manor, whilst skulking he came across the Malfoy boy.

"Draco," he hissed with a very disturbing and slightly pedophilic smirk on his face (not that he was a pedophile, but it helped with the scariness Voldemort longed to radiate).

The unfortunate blonde jumped in fright, much to the snake like man's pleasure, and turned around. "Yes, Milord?"

Voldemort gave the boy his best intimidating look, and he was rewarded with a cower, but somehow it did not please him as much as it should, maybe it was because the pretty boy was so young and held such little significance (the whiny brat ranked only slightly above Wormtail and other stupid and irritating Death Eaters merely because he had potential and was Lucius's son).

"Go find me an armadillo," the evil man said.

Draco Malfoy blinked and looked like he wanted to question his Master's objectives because really who just asks for a armadillo out of the blue, but the boy thought better of asking and simply bowed. "Yes, Mild," he said and then scampered off.

The bald creepo watched pleased as the young man went off to do his bidding giggling maliciously, truth be told he had just picked a creature at random but as he swept through the Manor most wickedly he decided that maybe having an armadillo could be a very useful thing, he was becoming lonely as of late since Nagini was off waiting for Potter, blasted Potter, so an pet would be very pleasurable, maybe he'd name the armadillo Sir. Butterlumpkins, it didn't super evil, but once people gaze upon Sir. Butterlumpkins and feel the sheer maliciousness that radiated off of him they would quake, thinking of this then reminded him of why he had left his hidey-hole in the first place, he needed to revamp his evil aura, and whilst he had great plans for Sir. Butterlumpkins, he needed something much more, how could he put this nicely, eeeviiil than an armadillo.

So Lord Voldemort made his way out of the Manor and to the little Muggle/Wizarding Village just a couple of miles away from the Manor. Surprisingly he wasn't interested in torture or killing, all he was interested in was what impaled fear into the souls of his prey.

It was a very long day, and the skinny wizard was about to give up when he happened upon two young women, happily chatting in the park. He would have ignored them, the blonde one emanated an aura of pure creepiness and the one with short hair seemed a little to hyper, but a piece of their conversation captured his attention.

"Really, I think that if you have the title Lord you just have to be intimidating in some way."

Lord Voldemort slowly drifted over to them in a most stealthy manner that should be illegal. It was like whatever Supreme Being out there loved him and had put these girls in his path just for him.

"You know you're right, but are all them?" asked the one with short hair.

"Well most of them. Take Darth Vader, for example, he is also addressed as Lord Vader, and the man execrates pure eeviilness, I mean DOOM is sewn into even stitch of that man's cape. "

"Vader is epically menacingly, and his cape is very doom like," the blonde's friend agreed.

"Exactly, and take the Great Lord Akihiko Usami, he's totally intimidating with his holier-than-thou attitude and his marimo."

"How does the marimo contribute to his intimidating demeanor?"

"How do they not? They're like perfect little balls of malice just waiting to expand and do Usagi's bidding."

At this the two girls began to laugh, but Lord Voldemort was to caught up in his thoughts to realize the joke. He walked away from the teenagers, brilliant thoughts running through that cunning mind of him.

So what he needed was a cape with DOOM sewn in every stitch, of course if he acquired one he would have to make a rule that no one else could wear such a magnificent cape in his presence (Snape should count his lucky stars that he wore a cloak and not a cape), and another thing Voldemort needed marimo, he didn't know what marimo was exactly, but he would acquire some and then he would become triply EEVIIIL.

Lord Voldemort cackled madly and then made his way back to Malfoy Manor where he would give the orders for Macnair to make him a cape with DOOM sewn into every stitch (the man really did have a flair for that sort of thing) and for Lucius to go find him some marimo, and after the orders were given he would seek out the Malfoy boy who better have his armadillo, and once him and Sir. Butterlumpkins were untied; they would take tea in one of the many salons in that large manor. A most scary smirk appeared on Voldemort's face as he slithered on back to his evil lair.

A/N: The marimo is a reference to an amazing show called Junjuo Romanitca, though it wasn't out during the time period of Voldemort, that's ok because this is fan fiction. Anywho please, please, please review, you can have a cape or cloak with DOOM sewn in every stitch if you do.


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